


My Cousin, My Cousin, And Me

by desikauwa



Series: A3! Oneshots [2]
Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, inspired by mbmbam, mentions of other mankai members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26276473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desikauwa/pseuds/desikauwa
Summary: A transcript of a podcast episode My Cousin, My Cousin, and Me. This is an advice show for all the actors of Veludo Way. Disclaimer, their advice is of no use to anyone.Inspired by the podcast My Brother, My Brother and Me: An Advice Show for the Modern Era
Relationships: Hyoudou Juuza & Hyoudou Kumon & Sakisaka Muku, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: A3! Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909147
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	My Cousin, My Cousin, And Me

**Author's Note:**

> so this may be ooc but please enjoy the chaos this fic is. also if you think im hinting at a ship, the answer is probably yes.

**Muku:** Welcome to My Cousin, My Cousin, and Me!

 **Kumon:** This is advice show for all the actors of Veludo Way

 **Juza:** Disclaimer, our advice is of no use to anyone.

 **Muku:** Well with that cheery note, let's move onto introductions.

**Juza:** I'm your oldest cousin, Juza, and I'm tired of your shit Settsu.

**Kumon:** I'm your middle baby cousin, Kumon, and I think the current baseball season needs more excitement.

**Muku:** And I'm your favorite disaster cousin, Muku, and I have some opinions on how I should be allowed to have a princely role.

**Kumon:** Wait didn't you get to be a prince in the last-

**Muku:** Doesn't matter. I want to be a prince.

**Juza [in a dry tone]:** For those who are just listening and can't see, Muku has covered Kumon's mouth and refuses to let him speak.

**Muku:** Juchan! Don't tell the listeners what I'm doing.

**Kumon (muffled):** *unintelligible gibberish*

**Muku:** What are you saying?

**Juza:** Maybe if you let him speak, we could understand him.

**Muku:** Oh right. Here you go Kyuchan.

**Kumon:** We only just started the episode and Muku's already tried to murder me.

**Muku:** I did not! Juchan! Kyuchan is exaggerating.

**Juza:** Should we move onto questions?

**Kumon:** Is he ignoring us?

**Muku:** I think so. A useless worm like me deserves to be ignored. I have nothing to add that would be of any value to this. I don't know why- 

**Juza:** Okay that's enough. We're moving onto questions. Our first one is from 'Ghost of Assassin Past'. That's an interesting thing to call yourself. 

**Muku:** Oh! What if this question is from an actual ghost?

**Kumon:** If our question asker is an actual ghost, I want to know if ghosts have a baseball league.

**Juza:** I don't want to be a ghost.

**Kumon:** Eh? Why's that nii-chan?

**Juza:** They can't eat sweets.

**Muku:** Ah! That's right. I wouldn't want to be a ghost either. Think about all the Shoujo mangas I wouldn't be able to read unless it was over someone's shoulder.

**Kumon:** Well I disagree with both of you. As a ghost, I'd be able to sneak into any baseball game I'd want.

**Muku:** But you wouldn't be able to catch the fly balls then.

**Kumon:** Huh. You make a valid point. Would still be cool though?

**Muku:** WAIT. Did we ever hear the question from 'Ghost of Assassin Past'?

**Juza:** No we did not. Anyways, they ask "If I die without a will, how can I make sure my candy shop doesn't get demolished?"

**Muku:** A CANDY SHOP!

**Kumon:** WELCOME TO MY CANDY SHOP!

**Juza:** I will eat all of your candy and convince the Yakuza heir I know to buy the shop for me as a gift.

**Muku:** Wait, but what if Sakyo-san says no?

**Juza:** I will ask Yuki to assist Azami in convincing him.

**Kumon:** Oh that's smart. Honestly both of them terrify me.

**Muku:** Yuki-kun just texted me. He says, "Tell Kumon that he had better be terrified."

**Kumon:** See! Absolutely terrifying.

**Juza:** Yuki is a powerful man. Also, since we're talking candy shops, it's time to be stranded.

**Kumon & Muku:** DESSERTS ISLAND HERE WE COME!

**Juza:** That's right, this time on 'Desserts Island', Sakuya and I went to Tsuzuru's part time job at the bakery.

**Muku:** Wait which bakery?

**Kumon:** Yeah! Tsuzuru-san has worked at a lot of bakeries.

**Juza:** The newest one.

**Muku:** Juchan! Did you say you went with Sakuya-kun?

**Juza:** Yes.

**Kumon:** OMG! Nii-chan was it a date!?

**Juza:** So while we were there I got myself their American Apple Pie inspired Baked Alaska.

**Kumon:** That's a lot of unnecessary American things in that statement.

**Juza:** It was an American inspired dessert, I would hope it would sound at least a bit American.

**Muku:** Kyuchan, did you notice that Juchan totally avoided the question?

**Juza:** It was really good. I would also recommend their Cherry Blossom Cheesecake. Sakuya got a piece and it was delicious.

**Kumon:** I noticed Muku.

**Juza:** Tsuzuru said his personal favorite is their double shot espresso. Said it keeps him up all night.

**Muku:** It really sounds like he was on a date with Sakuya-kun.

**Kumon:** Do you think they shared the desserts?

**Muku:** Oh that'd be so romantic.

**Juza:** And that's all I have on this visit to Desserts Island.

**Kumon:** I guess we'll never know if you were on a date with Sakuya-san so can you read the next question nii-chan.

**Juza:** This next question comes from our very own Mankai company blog comments and was given to me by Kazunari.

**Kumon:** Eyy, Muku it's your roommate!

**Muku:** It's my roommate!

**Juza:** At least your roommate isn't like Settsu. Anyways, the question Kazunari handed me is from 'Your Most Ardent Admirer' and they ask, "How can I make my friend accept my money? I'm very well off and I just want to provide him with everything he'll ever need."

**Muku:** Okay first off, 'Your Most Ardent Admirer' is such a romantic name and I am swooning.

**Kumon:** It really does sound like something from one of your romance stories.

**Juza:** Sounds like they wants to be this guy's sugar daddy.

**Muku (same time as Kumon):** Juchan!

**Kumon (same time as Muku):** Nii-chan! 

**Juza:** What? I'm not wrong. Settsu and Tenma were talking about it the other day and Azuma-san mentioned that he was a sugar baby at some point.

**Kumon:** Wait why was Tenma-san talking about sugar daddies with Banri?

**Muku:** Ah this really is like something out of this one romance novel I read about a poor heroine and her sugar daddy. It was a really good story!

**Juza:** Well there you have it. I recommend just telling your friend that you want to be his sugar daddy and if he's like the people in Mankai Company, he'll say yes.

**Kumon:** Especially if it's Tsuzuru-san!

**Muku:** That's right. He was just talking about wanting a Sugar Daddy just the other day.

**Juza:** I find myself unsurprised by this fact. Well if Kazunari knows who the commenter is, he can relay our advice and tell us what happens.

**Muku:** Speaking of Kazu-kun, he was telling me that he really enjoys our podcast during one of the Shoujo Manga Reading Club Meetings recently.

**Kumon:** Oh no.

**Juza:** I'll ask Omi-san to bring some water for when he's done.

**Muku:** I was so mad at the plot of our most recent manga so it's time for a segment I like to call 'I can't believe this love interest'

**Kumon:** Yeah we're going to need to settle in for a bit.

**Muku:** I don't ever judge our heroines. They are fantastic and deserve everything in the world which is why I get so mad when the main love interest treats her horribly.

**Juza:** Call out the toxic masculinity Muku.

**Muku:** I hate not rooting for the ML but if he doesn't get his act together and treat our heroine right, I'm going to riot if she ends up with him.

**Kumon:** I kinda wanna see what Muku rioting will look like.

**Juza:** If we ever find out, that means the world is ending.

**Muku:** The story is currently developing the romance between the heroine and the second lead and honestly I think I like him better.

**Kumon:** I thought we said the world will end if Sakuya-san gives up on theater.

**Juza:** That was a different episode. This is this episode.

**Muku:** I know the heroine always ends up with the ML but for just this once I'm hoping for the second lead to come out on top but like always I just want our heroine to be happy because it's what she deserves.

**Kumon:** She deserves to be happy!

**Juza:** I hope you're happy with whatever ending she gets.

**Muku:** Check back with me when I've finished the series and am devastated with it being over.

**Juza:** Well that was fun. Are we going to have 'Stats Time' today?

**Kumon:** I KNEW I FORGOT TO DO SOMETHING.

**Muku:** Eh!?

**Kumon:** I had plans on looking up fun stats for this episode but I wasn't able to but!!! The Major Baseball League is about to start it's playing season so I'll be sure to bring stats for the next episode.

**Juza:** It's fine. Maybe you can still look something up.

**Kumon:** And go against the arbitrary rules of 'Stats Time'. I could never.

**Muku:** Well that's great to know. Juchan, I think we're running out of time so maybe one last question.

**Juza:** Ah sure. This one from 'Paper Airplanes to Write On' and they ask, "I go to school with this one boy who keeps staring at me. I'm not entirely sure what he wants but it's honestly starting to worry me. How do I ask him to stop staring at me without offending his feelings?"

**Kumon:** Oh! Sumi-san is really good at making paper airplanes. It's so awesome.

**Muku:** We once had a paper airplane contest! Oh but that's also when we went on a treasure hunt.

**Juza:** I have a solution. Do what Settsu did to me and send him a note saying "get out of my school" and he should get the message.

**Muku:** Wait! Juchan, what do you mean about Banri-san?

**Kumon:** Yeah! Do I need to go fight him nii-chan?

**Juza:** Oh one night Settsu put a note on our door saying "get out of my company" to ask me to stop glaring at him.

**Muku:** ...Who told you that he wanted you to stop glaring at him?

**Juza:** I showed it to Sakuya in one of our script reading sessions and Tenma was walking by.

**Kumon:** Nii-chan, you'll tell us if you start dating right?

**Juza:** I'm not dating anyone. But as I was saying, Tenma told me that he heard from Taichi who heard from Omi-san who heard from Kazunari that Banri was getting stressed because of my staring.

**Muku:** Um sure. Let's go with that. It's not like I know a lot about romance tropes and memes. Nothing at all.

**Kumon:** Okay while the note thing is pretty great, I say you should run into him but pretend it was an accident and start up a conversation and just casually sprinkle in that you don't like attention and he'll stop staring.

**Muku:** Again, I continue to be the only one here who knows romance. This is obviously the start of your love story and once this guy builds up the courage to speak to you, he'll confess and the two of you will start dating and then get married but it'll be a shotgun wedding and you'll end up getting divorced in a few years and become bitter exes and-

**Kumon:** Muku started catastrophizing again so nii-chan just took him off the mic to make him breath and remind him that everything will be just fine so he can relax.

**Juza:** Okay we should be good now.

**Muku:** I am so sorry. A cretin like me should not be allowed to speak ever.

**Kumon:** It's okay Muku! Now I hope you all enjoyed our advice and remember

**Juza:** Never follow it because we probably gave you advice that'll make situations worse

**Muku:** But if you do, be sure to contact us through the Mankai company website.

**Kumon:** This has been another episode of My Cousin, My Cousin, and Me.

**Juza:** Hug your Director and prepare for death.

**Muku:** See you all next time!

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i made people laugh with this!
> 
> i can be found on [tumblr](https://desikauwa.co.vu/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/desikauwa5)


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